Should unmarried Christian couples holiday alone together?

I thought the answer to this question was fairly straight forward. My friend, Pete Ko, wrote a great blog post a week ago with a really well thought out answer. The thing I’ve been surprised by is how negative some of the comments have been in response to his post.

I think it’s incredibly unwise for unmarried Christian couples to holiday alone together and I would strongly advise against it. Pete agrees. Here are the reasons he proposes:

  • Don’t trust yourselves.
  • God doesn’t want us just to be minimalists in obedience.
  • We are called as Christians to be above reproach.
  • You can wait. You really can.
  • Fight the idol of pleasure at any cost.

Read his reasons in greater detail here.

Christian? Planning a trip with your gf/bf? Perhaps think again…


  1. says

    Geez, those comments are grumpy, aren’t they :)

    One thing I noticed is that every one of them that disagrees with his points is going on the attack. Methinks someone is fighting off a guilty conscience.

    I think it’s fine to disagree with Pete’s points (I don’t though, I think they are spot on!), but as soon as you turn it into an attack, it belies your actual argument, which is “but I did that, and _I’m_ not that bad… am I?”

  2. Julie says

    I agree with everything said, except have to raise a problem with one of Pete’s comments.

    Sometimes you DO have to say “to hell with what people think”.

    I posted a really long post on the blog which I won’t repeat the whole thing here. But the short version:

    I spent the first 30 years of my life at a church that was entirely about appearances. The goody two shoes couples in my church who would barely even make eye contact in public were the ones secretly having sex – caught out most of the time when they had their babies just a few months or even a few weeks after their weddings.

    In about a ten year period, I was one of only a very small number (perhaps the only person!) who was still a virgin when they got married. My husband was not but no one can hold against him what he did before he became a christian and was forgiven by God.

    Yet because we were open and held hands and occasionally did things like kiss on the cheek, I did his tax returns, lent him my car a lot – mostly just basic things I do for all my friends, male or female, I had terrible rumours started about us having premarital sex – by people who had known me since I was a baby and should have known me far better. I had women of the church coming and confronting me “in love” (hahahaha) about the sex they believed I was having – not because they had any proof, but because of the rumours going around, and their belief that holding hands in public and doing someone’s tax return meant you must be having sex!

    Apparently I must have had sex with a lot of my female friends too if holding hands and hugging, lending them your car and doing their tax returns means you’re having sex!

    It saddened me deeply to having my character trashed and accusations thrown at me by people who should know me better based on absolutely nothing sensible or logical at all – while I know beyond a doubt they did nothing about those who were really were having sex. Mainly because before they fell pregnant, they refused to believe that they were having sex, and afterwards they said nothing (other than get married immediately) because they were too embarrassed to admit their golden kids had fooled them so well.

    And that’s why so many young people are leaving many churches in droves – because good people who not only have done nothing, but have done nothing a sane person could twist into appearing to having done something wrong, get their reputations trashed by gossips and told off by the church leadership for something they haven’t done, while goody two shoes who the leadership adore sleep around and do even worse things and nothing is ever said – even when they are caught out.

    My first husband’s roomate dated one of my best friends, and the entire time they dated, he tried to force her to have sex. He used to bully and even threaten her to try to make her do it, and yet she refused. I repeatedly begged the pastor to do something about it, because I genuinely feared he would rape her if they didn’t break up soon (and I think he would have if they hadn’t broken up a few months later), and yet I was told to not speak of it again because apparently speaking to the pastor in confidence about something you saw with your own eyes is “gossiping”, and the roomate was never spoken to. Yet when that roomate broke up with my friend and started spreading rumours about me and all her other close friends in the church to get back at her, when I went to the pastor to ask him to stay something to the roomate about spreading untrue gossip, I was just told that I should refrain from anything that could be remotely twisted into confirming the gossiped lies, and still nothing was said to the roomate because suddenly a malicious gossip is unimportant, it’s up to their victim to try and prove they haven’t done what the gossip is about.

    The church then paid for this roomate to go on a year’s tour with a christian band, totally sponsored by the people in the church and the church itself, despite what he did to my friend, and the other very unchristian like behaviour (sleeping around after they broke up etc), because he was part of the “cool” crowd who could do no wrong.

    He left the church about a month after he got back from that year and has never gone back. He ended up marrying another friend of mine after he got her pregnant the first day they met.

    So while I think it’s great to set a good example and do everything SANE possible to be above reproach – you will always find churches with gutter minded gossips who will dream up something from nothing, and in those cases, if you fall victim to their gutter minds, all you can do is say to hell with what they think and hold your head high – knowing you aren’t perfect, but at least you’re trying to do the right thing and aren’t tearing others down with gossip.

  3. Danny says

    This probably makes me a “bad Christian”, but I do want to share my story.

    Yes, we are all humans and we’re bound to give in to temptations sooner or later. But I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now (we can’t get married yet because we became a couple young and we still don’t have enough money to build a life together even though we’ve been wanting to) and we’ve been “holiday-ing” together ever since. We would go to different cities and countries and explore their culture, because we both love traveling. Yes, we’d share the same room because it’s cheaper, but not the same bed. So while I am aware that we cannot fully trust ourselves because we are only human and we make mistakes, I don’t think I need a holiday to make me want to blemish my “purity” and decide to have pre-marital sex. Because let’s face it, if I wanted to – if we both wanted to, then we’d have already done it. But we haven’t. Because I do believe that sex is only for married people and that’s what he and I both want, too.

    As for those people who gossip and judge about my boyfriend and I are doing holiday-ing together, I couldn’t care less what people think. I don’t feel the need to explain or feel the need to prove that I’m still pure and keeping my promise to God, because I know He already knows that I am.

    That is just my two cents. Call me a hypocrite or a bad Christian or what-not, but I’ve said what I needed to say. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>