I’m 28. Over the last 6 months, I’ve learned of an increasing number of my peers (+ or – 5 years) who have been separated or divorced. Some of them I know well, others I’ve known in the past, still others are acquaintances/facebook friends. Either way, it’s heartbreaking to learn about Christian marriages ending.
In most of the circumstances, I don’t know all the details, nor do I need to know, but as far as I can see there are 3 main causes of breakdown in these marriages:
- Unfaithfulness
- One of the spouses stops claiming to be Christian
- Not dealing with small issues as they arise. These then increase and are no longer small issues but one big issue that seems too difficult to resolve.
I’m sure it’s much, much more complex than the 3 bullet points above may suggest! If you’ve recently separated or divorced, I sincerely hope you aren’t offended by this post. If your marriage is currently on rocky grounds – get help now (if you don’t know where to turn, contact me and I can hopefully point you in a helpful direction). Here’s the key questions I’m thinking through:
- How do I guard my marriage?
- How do I help my friends and those I’m ministering to, to guard their marriages?
- How do we help people adequately prepare before marriage to fight for their marriages?
Any suggestions? Feel free to leave an anonymous comment.
here’s some helpful stuff:
#73. Getting caught off guard by divorce.
here’s some verses i’ve been thinking about.
for section 1 – unfaithfulness
hebrews 13:14 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
take this seriously!
1 timothy 5:1-2 – “1Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
your relationships with other men and women should be pure. treat older like your mum or dad. treat younger like your bro or sis.
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2 – stop following Jesus
PREACH THE GOSPEL TO YOURSELVES EACH DAY:
1 cor 15:3-6 – “3For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance[a]: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, 5and that he appeared to Peter,[b] and then to the Twelve. 6After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, ”
2 tim 2:8 – ” 8Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, ”
an many more!
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3 – complacency
ephesians 5??
husbands – love your wives – love keeps loving
wives – submit to your husbands.
i think if guys are more selfless, and less selfish, ie – they actually learn to love their wives… the role for the wife is much easier!!
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Brother… one of the biggest things that is a must for marriage to work well is OPENNESS OF COMMUNICATION… I cant count how many times My wife and & have had a ‘miss-understanding’ because one of us (probably me) didn’t understand/explain something, and i’ve only been married a little over a year.
Now I dont just mean being able to have a conversation here, I also mean being able to communicate clearly your emotions as well – if we can’t connect emotionally – there is no connection!
Sam and I have also heard of friends of ours divorcing. It does make you think that you need to be vigilant against this in your marriage!
My answer to your question: forgiveness. In marriage, you need to be quick to forgive, and then let go.
According to Dr. Phil, the number 1 reason for divorce in the US is because of financial stress. Given the current economic environment, I cannot see divorce rates dropping for a while.
Secondly, it is too easy for couples to split in this country. While mandatory counselling has its issues, I think it has some merit.
According to Ash, expectations and boredom are big issues. In marriage counselling, we need to be very clear about expectations and managing disappointments.
this is all good and helpful stuff. thanks for sharing.
I think the biggest thing is to realise that you always need to work on your marriage, especially when it’s going well. If you continue to learn how best to work it all out when it’s going well, when things start going pear shaped, you are already used to working on issues and it is easier to just keep going with the work you have been doing, than trying to work out where to start